


open up your mind and see like me

by melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme



Series: this is our fate, i’m yours [1]
Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: And yet, F/M, HERE I AM, Mutual Pining, because i’m desperate for more, but hahaha i guess i’ll see ya’ll in hell, don’t come at me okay you asked for it, fuck already, i never thought i’d see the day, pining until like oh my god why can’t you just kiss or like, posting it, the second chapter is basically smut, umm, where i’d be desperate enough for mattex to actually post it, with a mattex fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-01 03:32:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14511627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme/pseuds/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme
Summary: So as she watches him hastily trip over his feet in his rush to get away from her, she tries but fails to squash down the feeling of hurt. She tries to tell herself that Matt was probably drunk, or - or he was just trying to help her look for Karen and Arthur, but the excuse seems flimsy and feeble and she can’t shake the feeling that his exit has something to do with her.But what exactly has she done? She’s been here for all of five minutes, which isn’t nearly enough time for her to get drunk and put her foot in her mouth. Had she said something wrong? She tries to review their conversation in her head but the loud music pounding through the speakers makes it difficult for her to concentrate on the things surrounding her, let alone the things in her head.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I can’t believe i’ve done it. I found myself staring at my notebook intending to write mattex and came up with this. What is this? Idk. Is it good? No idea. Am i drowning? Most definitely.  
> I hope ya’ll enjoy this, whatever this is. I’m so done with myself.

“Kingston! You made it!” Matt exclaims loudly, waving over to his onscreen wife a little too enthusiastically.

”Of course I did, darling.” Alex laughs, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. She looks around the rooms as if searching for someone, and Matt sits back to enjoy the view he has of her. 

She’s never been one to dress conventionally - a trait they both share, it seems - but today, Alex has traded her usual bohemian style for something a little modern - she looks positively stunning in a black button up blouse and skin tight jeans that show off her curves. He admires the sight of her in those jeans, sipping his drink lightly.

”Eyes front, soldier.” Alex’s purr makes him jump slightly and he flushes, knowing that he was caught staring at her arse.

“You know what you do to me in those jeans, Alex.” Despite the red in his cheeks, he takes the challenge, leaning in and whispering in her ear in a low growl. “It’s just so _hard_ to keep my eyes off you.”

He grins and retracts as she throws her head back in laughter, slapping his arm playfully.

”You’re a naughty boy, darling. I don’t know why I put up with you.” She tuts, but the exasperation in her statement is overshadowed by the glint in her eye and the pleased smile on her face. Before he can come up with another reply, however, she starts looking off in another direction. “You haven’t seen Karen and Arthur, have you? I’ve got a little gift for them.”

She reaches into her purse, pulls out two small gift boxes and turns to him expectantly. 

“And none for me?” He pouts and puts on a faux hurt voice. “You wound me, Kingston, honestly.”

”Oh you poor thing,” she coos, playing along. Then, in a move he really should’ve expected, she lowers her voice and raaises an eyebrow suggestively, flicking her gaze down his body before meeting his eyes again. He wonders how she manages to darken those pupils until he can almost believe that she’s actually attracted to him in that way. “Would you like me to kiss it better?”

He swallows and stifles a groan. _God_ , that woman could recite the alphabet and he’d come in his pants. Not that he’s ever fantasized about coming to the sound of those soft lips moaning hus name sinfully, the butterscotch tone of her voice pulling him closer to the edge and going over as she lets out a high-pitched scream and her muscles - 

He avoids her gaze, flushing evern redder as images begin to fill his head, helped along by the way she’s smirking at him now. He downs his drink in one go and clears his throat, making sure that his voice doesn’t come out too high-pitched as he answers her original question.

”The Moff wanted to see them for a moment. They’ll be out soon - never could resist a good farewell party, eh?” Matt sneaks a glance at her and finds her still smirking, looking pleased with herself. “Especially when their daughter’s in town for the first time in about a few months.”

“Cheer up, darling, we’ve still got some work to do.” She says.

They’ve been shooting Karen and Arthur’s departure episode for the past few weeks, having just flown back from New York. Ever since then, however, Alex has been incredibly busy with a few other side projects she’s got going on, and she didn’t have the time or the energy to hang out with the gang off set. Alex is due to leave for LA the morning after their last shoot the following week - so they brought up the farewell party in hopes that she could attend. 

Well, Matt had insisted and everyone else just went with it.

It didn’t help that all he’d been thinking about was when he’d get to see Alex after this. Steven had already written the Darillium minisode, and in this one, River’s already a Professor - what more adventures would the Doctor have left with his wife?

How long more does he have with Alex?

 _A week,_  his traitorous mind tells him. _You have a week, Smith, get on with it._

He snaps his gaze over to Alex, who’s ordering a drink from the bartender. She smiles charmingly and laughs along and it’s like she doesn’t even realise that she flirts with _everyone._

Another reason why he should just keep his feelings to himself.

Keeping his gaze on her, she watches the way she shimmies onto the barstool and tries not to get distracted by the fantastic view her cleavage is providing - honestly, first the wardrobe department puts her in that sinful black dress and now she can’t even bother to button up her damn shirt properly?

He swallows and looks away, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks when he realises that the bartender saw where his eyes were. The bartender gives him a cheeky wink and disappears immediately to attend to another party-goer. 

Alex smiles at him and immediately he feels his smile returning before cursing himself as he signals the bartender for a refill. He can’t spend the night with her. He _can’t_ \- it was hard enough to keep his mouth shut when they were in New York, when they were so busy there was barely a moment to chat, but _now_ , at this party, with Kaz and Arthur missing and an unlimited supply of alcohol, he can’t trust himself. He can’t risk it. 

He stands abruptly, causing Alex to raise her eyebrows in surprise.

”Well, I’ll just - go.” He says awkwardly.

“Where? You haven’t even finished your drink yet.” She frowns and nods toward the refill. 

“Oh right, yeah, I’ll just - um,” he picks up the glass and downs the drink in one go. Alex watches, amused as he coughs and sputters as the liquid slides down his throat, leaving a burning feel. He makes to leave again but she reaches out and places a hand on his chest, stopping him with just a touch. He swallows, cursing the way his heart beats faster beneath her fingertips. He swears she can feel the effect she has on him.

But she makes no mention of it, only frowning at him in concern.

“Where’re you going?” She asks again. “Are you sure you can walk after all those drinks?”

”’M just gonna find Kaz and Darvill.” He smiles reassuringly at her. “And don’t worry, Kingston, I’ve only had three drinks tonight.”

”Mmmhmm,” she says, clearly not reassured at all. She starts gathering her things and downing her drink, too. 

“Kingston, seriously, I’m not -”

”Honestly, Matt, I just want to see Karen and Arthur.”

”Yes - yes, I know.” He says hurriedly. He misses the warmth of her palm on his chest but at the same time is thankful she’d removed it, or he fears her touch on his heart will be the only touch he wants.

 _Too late,_ he thinks, _you’ve got it bad, Smith._

“I’ll send them your way.” He says, tripping over his own feet in his haste to get as far away from her spell as possible. “See you, Kingston.”

He’s so fixated on getting as far away from her as possible that he doesn’t see the flash of hurt in her eyes.

*

She watches Matt stumble as he hurries to leave her with a frown on her face. What was going on with him? He certainly never rushed off so abruptly before - had she done or said something wrong?

But he’d acted normal when she arrived - flirted with her a little, stared a little more - but that was normal for Matt. She was almost used to the way he looked at her appreciatively. He made her feel young and beautiful, lavishing her with attention when there were other, better-looking, younger women he could turn his eye to.

But that wasn’t all. Whenever they filmed together, on-set, Alex struggled to keep fiction from reality. It was like some cheesy romance novel, without the happy ending. There was no hope that Matt Smith fancied her in that way. 

It had started innocently enough. Matt and Karen’s first episode as the Doctor and Amy, and Alex was there to guide them through it. Their friendship blossomed almost immediately - they were both incredibly easy to talk to, if just a tad bit shy - but they got past it soon enough, and before they knew it, they were in for the long run.

Then filming for Series Six came - along with that kiss. Their first kiss, as River and the Doctor. That kiss _did_ things to her. It wa her first since the separation, and there was Matt, looking utterly delicious and oh, it wasn’t difficult at all to grab him and pace her lips on his.

He was an incredibly talented kisser. A couple more takes had her yearning for his tongue on other parts of her body, but she kept herself under control. It wouldn’t do good for herself if she acted on impulse - especially when the chances of him actually being interested was closer to zero.

And then they spent more time together. More time just talking, hanging out, playing with each other and flirting- sometimes with Karen and Arthur present, sometimes without. She always looked forward to spending more time with Matt.

And during those times, she learnt more about him. About his family, about his childhood, his injury and how he got into acting. She learnt about Matt Smith, the man - not the actor. She learnt about _him_ , and his wonderful, amazing, fantastic heart.

By the time she realised he had hers, it was too late to go back.

Every time she saw that face she smiled. It was embarrassing, really, to think of Matt like some mooney-eyed school girl with a crush. It was even more embarrassing that it was Matt - twenty years her junior, ridiculously immature when he wanted to be, and dating beautiful models. She never stood a chance with him. 

But she couldn’t bear to lose his friendship, the only thing she has of him, so she sucked it up and stayed. Pushed every single inappropriate thought about him to the back of her mind. She continued flirting and teasing, but never bothered going further than that. Having him as a friend would be preferable to not having him at all. 

She worked hard to maintain their friendship when they were apart, and was pleased that Matt made the effort as well. They called and texted frequently, even managing to squeeze in some video calls once she worked out how - and Matt had never once complained about her presence in his life. In fact, it seemed that he valued their friendship just as much as she did.

So as she watches him hastily trip over his feet in his rush to get away from her, she tries but fails to squash down the feeling of hurt. She tries to tell herself that Matt was probably drunk, or - or he was just trying to help her look for Karen and Arthur, but the excuse seems flimsy and feeble and she can’t shake the feeling that his exit has something to do with her. 

But what exactly has she done? She’s been here for all of five minutes, which isn’t nearly enough time for her to get drunk and put her foot in her mouth. Had she said something wrong? She tries to review their conversation in her head but the loud music pounding through the speakers makes it difficult for her to concentrate on the things surrounding her, let alone the things in her head. 

She sighs and signals the bartender for another drink, thinking desperately about how she would handle all of this when shooting resumes next week. Will Matt still be awkward and hasty? Or will he just pretend it never happened and go back to flirty banter with her? She knows which one she’d prefer.

She sips her drink bitterly as she eyes the crowded dancefloor. The entire reason she even showed up was to spend more time with Karen and Arthur - once they left Doctor Who, it would be so rare for all four of them to get together again. And now, they are nowhere to be found, and the only other member of Team Tardis is acting all weird around her.

Setting the glass down again, she makes the decision to have the bartender hold Karen and Arthur’s present so she can make her leave. Of couse, almost as soon as she comes to the decision, she hears a delighted yell.

”Alex! You came!” Karen’s Scottish accent can be heard from a mile away but Alex is far too used to the loud redhead’s enthusiasm to be surprised. She grins at her co-star and envelops her in a warm hug. “I’m so glad you could make it. You know, with Salome and all...”

The reminder of her daughter makes her flinch - Salome had been expecting a Skype call tonight, and had been disappointed when Alex called to postpone it. Alex was determined to be there for her daughter, so she promised that she’d call tomorrow.

”Yeah, she was very disappointed.” Karen looks sympathetic. “But you know, I promised to call her tomorrow, so it’s fine.”

Karen seems to get the hint of dropping the subject so she smiles again and tells her, “Arthur’s a bit tied up. Literally. Moffat challenged him to a game of truth and dare and now he’s tied to a chair and being given a lap dance by one of the boys in Lighting.”

Alex chuckles at the vision in her head and Karen laughs along, pleased that she can make Alex laugh. Honestly, the woman spends enough time worrying about everything and everyone.

”Yeah, Moffat said it was his parting gift.”

”Speaking of parting gifts...” Alex turns back to the bar to grab the presents for her friends and hands them to Karen. “Give Arthur this, will you? I’m not staying for very long and he probably won’t be out anytime soon...”

”Oh, Alex, why can’t you stay awhile?” Karen pleads, her eyes wide. “Since you’re already here and all, it’d be a shame for -”

”I’m really sorry, Karen,” she apologises, only half-heartedly. “But I’ve been feeling really knackered and Matt’s not - ”

She cuts herself off before she can reveal too much and Karen’s eyes widen.

”What did the stupidface do?” She demands, sounding so much like the character she plays on screen that Alex fights the urge to smile fondly. 

“It’s nothing, really.” She assures Karen, taking another sip of her drink.

But Karen raises an eyebrow, looking thoroughly unconvinced.

”No, honestly, it’s just -” she shakes her head again. “It’s honestly nothing, Karen, he’s just been - he’s been a little, _different_ , that’s all.” She attempts to smile but it comes out as a grimace. “He’s probably just tired from all the schedules, honestly, I’m bloody knackered and I’ve only been shooting for a couple of weeks - ”

”What do you mean, _different_?” Karen demands. “I’ve just passed him downing shots with some pretty face. Probably gonna eat each other’s face off any second now.” She crinkles her nose in disgust. “He didn’t mention that he even saw you here.”

Alex’s stomach sinks. He hadn’t even been looking for Karen and Arthur - he’d just wanted to get away from her. So much for valuing their friendship. 

She turns away from Karen and downs her drink in one go, trying desperately to keep tears at bay. What did she even do to him for him to act like such an arse? Promising to help her and then snogging some young bird before keeping his promises?

She knows perfectly well that she isn’t allowed to be jealous, but she just can’t help herself. The thought of Matt taking some nameless, faceless pretty girl to his bed tonight makes her stomach clench and her chest burn with jealous rage. She clutches the empty glass tightly in her hand and forces a smile on her face as she turns back to Karen.

”Make sure you get that to Arthur, will you?” She nods to the packages in her hand. Karen nods but doesn’t say anything, eyeing her strangely. “See you Monday, Mummy.”

”You too, daughter dearest.” Karen grins at the reference. She watches with that same strange look in her eye as Alex starts gathering her purse and slides off the stool gracefully. She leans in for a goodbye hug and a peck on the cheek, holding each other tightly. “Bye, Alex. We should have a Girl’s Night as soon as possible, yeah?”

”Yes we should.” Alex agreed, letting go of the redhead.

She waves her goodbye and turns around, preparing herself to weave through the increasingly wild crowd. She stand on tiptoe to find for the exit, looking over people’s heads as she searches. Successfully locating it, she heads straight towards it, bumping into several people along the way. She doesn’t stop to apologise, wanting to get home as quickly as possible without bumping into Matt. 

Too busy focusing on the exit, she doesn’t pay attention to where she places her feet - which inevitable leads to her trodding on someone’s foot hard enough for them to jump away from their snogging partner and yelp in pain.

”Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see - Matt?”

She looks from him, hair messed, eyes dark with annoyance, his lips swollen and the collar of his shirt stained with pink lipstick, blinking rapidly and swallowing nervously. Without another word, she turns around and starts running towards the exit, ignoring Matt’s calls.

She’s quietly seething when she finally breathes in fresh air, biting her lip to keep from screaming. She isn’t Matt’s partner. She has no right to be this - this _angry,_ or _hurt,_ or _jealous,_ but her heart can’t seem to listen to her brain.

She decides to walk back to the Cardiff flats, enjoying the contrast of the cool night air to the stuffy atmosphere in the pub. Quietly, she calms her racing heart. Matt can snog whoever he wants. It won’t ever be her, anyway. What can she offer him? Certainly not a family of his own. Not even if she were physically able to. She commutes from LA to London, staying for months at a time. Will a relationship ever be able to bear frequent bouts of absence?

Matt deserves someone who can commit. She isn’t that.

So why is it so _difficult_  for her heart to accept it?

Feeling frustrated and heartbrokem, she returns to her flat, intending to run a good, long bath to ease the tension. When she arrives at the door, however, she realises there’s someone leaning on it, waiting for her. She doesn’t even have to look closely to recognise him. The person looks up slowly and grins when he sees her. 

“Hi.” Matt says.

*

It takes a while, but once she gets over the initial shock she’s able to ask.

”Why are you here?”

It comes out cold and bitter and she curses herself for showing her anger as Matt’s grin faded a little.

”Oh, um, I was - uh,” Matt fumbles with his words, growing steadily redder as she watches with a blank stare. Normally, she’d help him find the words or even just stare at him, amused, but there was none of that now. No expression that gave away what she was feeling. “You dropped this, at the club.” He manages finally, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out her mobile. “I thought I’d give it back.”

”Oh.” She doesn’t thank him, just takes the phone back. Now that he’s actually here, all she can see is the image of him pulling away from the girl, looking pained and annoyed, and before she can even think about what she’s saying, she says, “You should go. Don’t wanna keep the girl in your bed waiting.”

”Wha - Alex, I’m not- ”

She shoves her key in the lock a little more roughly than intended and turns, taking a deep breath and looking him in the eye. 

“I don’t wanna know, Matt. I can’t - ” she swallows and shifts her gaze down, unable to hide the hurt she feels. When she looks up again, he’s staring at her intently. Like he cares about her.

She shakes her head, berating herself. She’s so desperate for him that she’s starting to see what she wants to see. There’s no way he’ll ever look at her like that.  

“Please leave,” her voice is soft and pleading and to her horror, the tears she’s been keeping at back all night are starting to cloud her vision. Her voice cracks. “Please.”

Before she can even grasp what’s happening, he leans in and presses her to the door, capturing her lips in his. He kisses her, demanding but gentle at the same time, swiping his tongue across her lips eagerly. She responds enthusiastically, sucking his tongue into her mouth and sighing into his.

And then the image of him sticking his tongue down another girl’s throat not half an hour ago flashes across her mind and she pushes him away, cursing. He stumbles back but regains his balance quickly.

”What the fuck,” she hisses, wiping her mouth and panting heavily, “Do you think you’re doing?”

”Alex, I -” he gulps nervously at the anger in her eyes. “I thought you -”

”You _thought_ that I wanted to _kiss you_ when not _thirty minutes ago_ you were very enthusiastically snogging some fucking -”

”Alex, listen to me.” He takes a step toward her and she tries her best not to react. “I’m not - _you’re_  not someone I can just - just _kiss_  - ”

”No, I’m not.” She agrees coolly.

”No, what I mean is that - I just -” he takes a deep breath and looks at her, trying to understand what she’s feeling.

He stares at her until she’s staring right back, all their defenses dropping at once. All he can see in those beautiful green eyes is hurt and frustration and fear, mixing in with unshed tears. And he sighs, moving forward and pressing her to the door again. Before he can lean in, though, she places a hand on his chest just like she did earlier.

She looks straight up at him through her eyelashes, swallowing roughly.

”We should talk,” she whispers, as if afraid that someone can hear them. “Before anything else happens.”

”Alright.” He agrees, his voice hoarse.

He steps back, allowing her to turn around and unlock the door, leaving it open behind her so he can follow. She goes straight to the kitchen, leaning on the counter for support and taking a few deep breaths to calm her racing heart.

She’s just been kissed by Matt Smith, not the other way round. He had been the one to lean in and press his lips to hers. The thought makes her pulse quicken despite her efforts to calm it - what did that kiss mean? Was it just in the heat of the moment, never to be repeated again? But he’d leant in again after that - surely it meant something more?

Optimistic but trying not to get her hopes up, she turns to find Matt staring at her with a smile on his face.

He follows her to the kitchen but doesn’t speak as he watches her regain her bearings. Her back is to him and he’s free to admire her form, his eyes roaming hungrily. She’s just so damn beautiful and if she allows him to, he’d like to remind her, every single day, just how beautiful she is. _This is your chance, Smith. Go get her._

She turns around and faces him and he smiles, because it’s easy to, when she’s around. He’s relieved when she smiles back, albeit a bit tentatively. He’ll take whatever he can get.

”Would you like a drink?” She asks politely.

He shakes his head. “I’ve had enough. Need a clear head for this.”

She nods, leaning back against the counter and staring at him, apparently waiting for him to speak. He stares back, not quite sure what to say, and when he finally finds the words, she speaks up too.

”What are you -”

“I really want -”

They both cut off abruptly, staring at one another in surprise before laughing a little awkwardly.

”You first.” She offers

”Okay,” swallowing a lump in his throat, he continues. “I - I just,” he licks his lips nervously, “I _really_ want you, Alex.”

He lets his sentence hang in the air for a moment, watching as Alex’s jaw drops and her eyes widen.

”I have since - since the start, really.” He’s fidgeting now, running a hand through his hair restlessly. “But I always, always thought that you were too -”

”Old?” She asks bitterly, sighing and looking down.

He doesn’t answer so she looks up again to check that he’s still there. He’s moved closer in the last few seconds of silence, standing closer to her and looking straight at her with a soft smile and even softer eyes. He takes her hand and presses a kiss to the back of her palm, spreading warmth where his lips touches her skin. The back of her hand tingling slightly, she watches, entranced, as he presses soft kisses to each of her fingers, biting her lip at the sensations.

When he reaches the last finger, he tugs on her hand and pulls her close, his lips finding her ear.

 _“Beautiful.”_  He whispers, pressing another kiss to the skin below her ear.

Her breath trembles slightly at the feeling of having him so close, and when he whispers in her ear she feels the tears start to well up again. She lets out a whimper when his lips make contact with her skin another time.

”I really like you, Kingston.” He says, as sincerely as he can. “I just- I _never_ thought you’d spare me a glance. And when I saw you - when I was - after you left I just couldn’t stand you not knowing how I feel about you.”

”Matt, I - ” she doesn’t continue, the words stuck in her throat. His hands are on her shoulders, holding her firmly against him. 

“Only if you want to, Kingston.” He says. “Only if you want me.”

She licks her suddenly dry lips, taken aback by his words. Pressing herself closer to him, she leans in and asks softly, “This is - this is us, right? I mean, this isn’t just a shag, or a one-time thing, is it?”

He closes his eyes, leaning his forehead against hers and waiting for her permission. “If I have you once I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have anyone else again.” He admits.

She snorts. “You’d be surprised.”

”It’s not the same for me.” He says seriously. “I look at you and I just - I _want_ you, so badly, but _only_ if you want me too.”

His face moves closer until their lips are only a millimetre away, breathing in each other’s hair. She’s the one who closes the gap, sighing into his mouth.

”I want you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a supposed to be smut at the end but i got about four pages in and started crying and burnt the pages up so that’s not happening. I hope ya’ll liked it and if you didn’t please don’t kick my ass just tell me and i’ll delete it and we’ll both agree to never speak of this again okay? Okay.


	2. you done done me and you bet i felt it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol what plot it’s just smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. i’m going to hell for writing this chapter but it’s worth it i guess. so ya’ll requested that i look over the smut i wrote and i was like hell nah, i ain’t gon look over the porn that I wrote. so to the person who looked over it for me amd convinced me to post it THANK YOU. you know who you are.

The kiss is soft, passionate and gentle. He holds her face in his hands like he can’t quite believe he’s allowed to kiss her like this. His lips move over hers slowly, carefully and the sigh she releases as he sucks on her bottom lip only makes him more eager. Slowly pushing his tongue into her mouth, his hands move from her face down her arms, finding her hips and pulling her body closer.

Being kissed like this by him feels like bliss, she thinks, her hands trailing up his chest to circle around his neck loosely. She feels his hands slowly move from her hips to her back, moving even lower until he’s gripping her arse tightly. She lets out an involuntary moan at that and thrusts her hands in his hair as the kiss deepens, their tongues tangling even faster.

It’s her who breaks the kiss first, letting out a gasp as he moves his hands further down to grip both thighs firmly. He takes advantage of the momentary distraction, hoisting her up on the counter and parting her legs so he can stand in between them. Without any preamble, he goes straight for her neck, pushing her curls aside with his fingers while gently licking and sucking her skin. 

Not one to stay idle, her hands move quickly down his chest, pulling his hips to hers until she can feel him, half-hard, pressed against her core. She lets out another moan and starts grinding her hips into his, locking her legs around him firmly and shifting to get a better angle. 

“ _Oh_ ,” she sighs as he moves his hips against hers, his tongue still laving at her throat. 

He groans, his hands gripping her hips tight enough to bruise as he starts rubbing his erection against her, his breath becoming shallower.

“ _Fuck_ , Alex.” He groans in her ear. 

The feeling is almost too much to bear. His hot, hard length is straining against his jeans and the sensation of it rubbing against her core, stimulating her clit makes her pant and gasp mindlessly, too aroused to notice how loud she’s being. She leans back, resting her head against the cupboards above the counter, letting her eyes shut as her hips move in counterpoint to his. 

But it isn’t enough, he thinks desperately, dry-humping her like this. He needs to taste her skin, feel it beneath his lips and leave marks. His fingers fumble with the button on her shirt, untucking it out of the jeans she’s wearing and throwing it aside and - 

_Oh_.

His eyes immediately fixate on her chest, cupped in a simple cotton bra - and it really isn’t meant to be sexy, but it’s Alex and _god_ , she’s completely breathtaking. His fingers move lightly across her stomach, delighting in the fact that she’s ticklish.

“Stop it,” she laughs breathlessly, squirming around and pushing his fingers away.

He gives her a grin, moving his fingers behind her back to unclasp her bra as he presses his mouth to hers for a few kisses in quick succession. He turns red as he fumbles with the strap, cursing under his breath. She laughs, stilling his clumsy fingers with her own and flicking the strap open easily, quickly manoeuvring it down her arms and letting it fall to the floor. He stares for a moment.

“Beautiful.” He whispers in awe, ducking his head to mouth at the swell of her breasts.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before.” She moans, as he bites down hard enough to bruise.

“Better in person.” He mutters, sucking the skin around her nipple teasingly, a hand coming up to cup her other breast. He switches, still avoiding her nipple and making her arch her chest into his mouth in anticipation. “So much better.”

“ _Matt_.”

Hearing Alex’s sultry voice moan his name like that makes his trousers tighten and his eyes darken even further. He’s gripped with a sudden desire to hear her say it just like that, again and again and again. 

She cries out loudly as he sucks her nipple into his mouth, nipping lightly and sucking even harder. Her fingers grip the back of his head tightly, pushing it hard and pressing more of her chest into his mouth. His hand is toying with the other nipple, pinching it lightly and rolling it between his fingers. The sensations cloud her mind, hazy with pleasure as her free hand grips his shirt, curling her fingers around the material as she starts moving her hips against his again.

The feeling is too much and yet not enough, and the soft cries and wails that fill the room only serve to heighten her arousal. She grinds against him harder, crying out louder and louder as her sensitive clit rubs repeatedly against her soaked knickers. She moves faster and faster, her moans turning into shouts as she pants into the air around her.

He hasn’t even touched her there yet.

“ _Fuck_ , you’re gorgeous,” he whispers, lifting his head from her chest and resting his chin on her shoulder. He rolls his hips against hers repeatedly, panting in her ear in that husky voice that drips with sex. “You really are, Alex. _God_ , I bet you’re soaked. I bet I could make you come just by doing this.” He thrusts pointedly against her and her breathing hitches, her eyes closing from the bliss. She can _hear_ his grin but she couldn’t care less about it right now - the feeling of his erection against her soaking wet core is too blinding. She can barely concentrate on anything as he whispers into her ear. “Do you know how sexy you look right now? I want to fuck you so hard, Alex, but I want you to come first. I want you to come, right now, as I’m rubbing against you. Do it.”

“Can’t.” She pants, moving her hips desperately over his. “Need more, Matt.”

“No.” He’s equally desperate, filled with the desire to see her come without anything inside her.

“ _Please_ ,” she whimpers, her head falling back against the cupboard again. She can feel the wetness in her pants seeping through the jeans, and her inner muscles cleching around nothing, desperate to be filled.

He shake his head, too busy controlling his own desire to force out a response. His hands continue to cup her breasts, massaging them as he licks his lips.

“Do you know what I’m gonna do to you later?” He breathes into her ear hoarsely, and she tries her hardest to catch his words through the blood pounding in her ears as their hips move together, still clothed. “I’m gonna push you up against the front door and fuck you hard. I want you to scream for me - I want you to scream my name so that everyone knows what I’m doing to you. Then I’m gonna bend you over your vanity and fuck you from behind. I want you to watch me fuck you. I want you to look in the mirror and see what you look like when you come. Then,” his breath hitches after a particularly rough thrust, “ _fuck_ \- then I’m gonna lay you down on your bed and spread your legs wide. I’ll lick and taste you and drive you absolutely crazy for me until you’re begging to put my tongue inside you. Don’t you want that, Alex? Don’t you want me to tongue your -”

“Matt!”

It’s too much - his low voice whispering filthy promises in her ear, his hands on her chest, his cock rubbing against her clit deliciously - the sounds of pleasure escape her mouth and increase in volume without her realising. Through the blood rushing in her veins, she registers his words and her mind conjures up an image of Matt between her legs, his cock deep inside her as he pounds into her hard - and the anticipation alone is enough to make her scream his name as she finally goes over the edge.

Her scream tears at her throat and her voice breaks as her orgasm passes through her body in little shocks. She throws her head back and her back arches against him, pressing her breasts into his chest. 

She slumps forward, leaning her weight on him and panting softly into the crook of his neck. He’s breathing roughly too, gripping her hips hard and pressing kisses into the skin of her neck. Once she finally calms her racing heart, she realises that he’s muttering into her skin.

“Gorgeous,” he says breathlessly between kisses. “So fucking gorgeous, my Alex.”

She lets out a smile, blushing slightly as she releases her grip on his shirt and loops her arms around his neck, holding him close. She’s not sure how long they stay like that, her half naked and him fully clothed, just holding each other tightly in post-coital bliss. Then he starts shifting around, clearly uncomfortable, and when she feels the heat of his cock against her inner thigh, she remembers that he hasn’t had his release yet. 

She pulls back from his embrace with a small smile, biting her lip coyly as she reaches a hand down to stroke his length. He hisses, digging his fingers into her skin and trying hard not to buck up into her hand as her sly fingers move lower to cup him through his jeans.

“Alex,” he groans, resting his forehead on her shoulder. “I can’t - I want to -”

“Fuck me hard?” She finishes, her voice low in his ear as she continues the movement of her hand. He lets out a breathy moan, both at her words and her hands, and when she suddenly removes them he makes a noise of protest. 

“It’s bad to break your promises, darling.” She chides, still in that low, sultry tone that drives him crazy. “Especially when I was so _very_ looking forward to it -”

He growls as he cuts her words off with his lips, kissing her fiercely as his hands go for her jeans. Her hands wander to the top button of his shirt, making quick work of it and pushing it off his shoulders hurriedly. Once rid of his shirt, he immediately grabs a hold of both her thighs, wrapping them around his waist securely as he lifts her easily. She breaks the kiss to gasp in surprise as he smirks at her.

“Gotta keep my promises,” he says against her jaw, sucking there lightly as she moans softly.

He starts walking but she doesn’t pay attention to where he’s going, instead focusing on the rather important task of marking his throat as thoroughly as she’s sure he marked hers. She feels him push her into a wall and at the sound of the door banging against its frame she realises that - holy fuck, he’s actually keeping his promises. 

She leans against it as he sets her down gently, pushing her unbuttoned jeans down her hips. She kicks them to the floor as he divests himself of his own clothing, pushing down both his jeans and boxers at once and freeing his straining erection. 

Her knickers don’t stay on long after that. He growls as he pushes the lacy fabric to the floor and when they’re both finally, _finally_ naked, all they can do is stare at each other. 

All he can think of is how all he’s ever wanted to do since he met her is about to happen right now and how amazingly beautiful she looks like this, all flushed against the door, a few bruises already starting to bloom on her breasts. He smiles appreciatively, raking his gaze over her body as she flushes and turns away, unable to handle the way he’s looking at her.

“When I’m done with you tonight,” he whispers, grabbing her chin and meeting her eyes. He looks at her with such intent that her own irises darkens instantly. “You’re never gonna doubt how beautiful you are ever again.”

She sighs as his lips capture hers in a sensual kiss, all lips and tongue melding together. She grips his shoulders for support, his lips making her knees weak and her eyes flutter close, fisting the other hand into his brown locks.

His hands roam hungrily over her body, mapping every part of her and pulling her close. His fingers move in between her legs, stroking her inner thigh _just_ shy of where she wants him. He feels the wet remnants of her arousal and orgasm coating his fingers and groans, breaking the kiss to gasp in her ear.

“You’re _soaking_.” He pants, his fingers trailing teasingly close to her heat.

She whimpers, resting her head against the door and lifting a leg to hook around his waist, opening herself up further for him and giving him more access. Her hips lift off the door, pressing her core into his erection and they both hiss, feeling the other’s heat against their arousal. 

“Matt, darling, please,” she pleads, curls falling into her eyes and her fingers reaching between them to stroke his length with enough pressure to make his hips buck against her. She lets out a gasp and a sigh, muttering urgently, “Need you.”

“Fuck - condom.” He reminds her, and she groans, slipping her leg off his waist so he can dive into his jeans pocket in search of one.

He finds one in his wallet and wastes no time in ripping off the wrapper, rolling it onto his erection hurriedly and immediately reaching for her again. His hands move, hooking her leg around his waist and placing a hand next to her head. He braces himself against her and then, in one smooth thrust, he enters her.

Her breath hitches and her nails dig into his back, feeling him fill her so deliciously like that. He groans, his head dropping onto her shoulder as he feels her clenching around him. He gives her a moment to adjust to the feeling of him inside her, then he starts moving his hips slowly, barely moving in and out of her. She whimpers, pleading softly and mindlessly for him to _please fuck me, harder, faster, oh yes please -_  

“Jesus _Christ_ , Alex.” He groans, and without warning, he starts to slam his hips against her hard and fast. She lets out a shout of mingled surprise and pleasure as their hips collide repeatedly with the door, rattling it against its frame. The thought that someone on the other side might hear their frantic coupling only makes her even more eager as she lifts her other leg and locks it around his waist.

She cries out at the change in angle, because with both legs wrapped securely around his back he reaches deeper inside her and he _can’t_ stop, he _has_ to hear that sound from her again so her grunts and thrusts harder and harder until he’s sure he’s never fucked anyone as hard as he’s fucking her right now. 

She tries to ride him, gripping his shoulders with a vice like grip and starting to lift herself up and down his cock but he stops her, slamming her even harder against the door and holding her in place. She shouts, feeling his cock so deep inside her. He doesn’t move, just whispers dangerously into her ear, “ _I’m_ fucking you tonight. I’m fucking you so _hard_ you - ”

She presses her lips to his, cutting him off. He starts moving his hips just slightly, thrusting into her at the same pace as he thrusts his tongue into her mouth. She lets out a small whimper, the ache in her core building - it isn’t enough for him to thrust slowly. Her head thumps against the door again and she looks up at him with pleading eyes.

“Please fuck me.” She says breathlessly.

He growls, his hips colliding with hers. Oh, he’s thrusting into her so hard she’s sure her hips will ache for days after but right now she doesn’t give a damn about that. The door rattles dangerously behind her and for a moment she wonders if the cheap flats the BBC had bunked the cast and crew in could withstand Matt’s determination, but then he takes one leg from his waist and moves it higher up his back, changing the angle of his thrusts. She cries out at how deep he reaches inside her and thinks that she couldn’t care less if the door gave way right now, as long as he doesn’t stop fucking her so hard.

“Oh, Matt, _yes_ , keep going, oh, _fuck_ -”

She’s so wet and so tight he loses his rhythm almost instantly. Their bodies are covered in sweat, dripping down their skin and making it hard to keep a hold on her but he manages not to drop her, angling his hips carefully and thrusting _upupup_. They’re both making way too much noise but he doesn’t want her to stop, listening to her moans and shouts mingling with his own grunts and breathless gasps. Her eyes half-lidded, crying out in pleasure, and her head thumping repeatedly against the door in time with her hips, she looks the very definition of erotic.

“Oh, fucking gorgeous, my Alex.” He breathes, not ceasing his pounding movements against her. “You look so beautiful like this - every single fantasy I’ve ever had can’t compare to you right now. You’re so bloody - _gorgeous_ , my -”

He feels her coming, her muscles clenching tightly around him as he sweet talks her, and he pulls away from her ear just in time. Her head slams back against the door one last time as a scream tears at her throat, sweat dripping down her body. Her skin is red and flushed from the heat and her entire body tenses as her eyes close, basking in the bliss.

He thrusts a few more times inside her clenching heat before he releases himself inside her.

He slides out gently, setting her down on her feet and making sure she’s well-balanced before he disposes of the condom. She approaches him on shaky legs, her eyes already closing from exhaustion. 

“Stay with me tonight.” She yawns, wrapping her arms around his middle.

Her legs are still wobbly so he lifts her, resuming their earlier position. He walks towards her bedroom, padding quietly across the flat. He lays her down tenderly and settles in next to her, heart warming when she snuggles into his chest and tangles her legs with his. He holds her to him, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.

He ends up staying for the rest of the week.

*

He sits on her bed the day of her flight, watching her zip up her suitcase. She isn’t dressed yet, her hair is still wet from the shower and the only thing covering her is a shower robe.

“I wish you didn’t have to leave so soon.” He whispers, watching her sadly.

She lifts her head from the suitcase, meeting his eyes and smiling softly. It’s ridiculous - they’ve only been together nine days, but he’s already so attached it feels like losing an important part of him. They’ve spent the past week sneaking around on set, skipping lunch for make-out sessions in his trailer, and on one particularly memorable occasion, he’d turned her around against the Tardis console while they were alone, tugged her dress up and over her arse and fucked her hard and fast.

No one suspected a thing.

It was with such luck that, during their first night together, the entire block had been empty - the party had lasted well into the hours of the morning and by then, the two were sleeping soundly, tangled with each other. They had decided, the next day, that it was better to keep everything under wraps for now - just in case. They spent that weekend locked in her flat, watching the telly and exchanging lazy, languid kisses. It felt entirely too natural for a relationship that was barely a day old but still, Alex couldn’t shake the feeling that it would all be over much too soon, so she held on to every single piece of him she could get before he was gone.

“I’m sorry, darling, but it’s only two months.” She finishes zipping her suitcase and walks over to him, straddling his lap as she settles down on him.

He buries his face in her neck, arms circling his waist and pressing her tightly to him. “Two months too long,” he mutters. “I’ve just got you.”

“Silly. You’ll still have me,” she whispers, so softly he strains to hear her. She swallows, shutting her eyes as she adds, “if you’ll still want me by then.”

She says it nonchalantly, carelessly, as if it could be passed off as a joke but he doesn’t laugh. He presses two soft kisses to her neck and shoulder, digging his fingers into her back.

“Always.” He mutters in between kisses, “I’ll _always_ want you.”

Nine days is too short a relationship to be making declarations like this but he doesn’t care. If there’s even a remote possibility that he’ll end up together with Alex then he’s not giving up. He’s never giving up on her.

“I’ll be calling, texting, Skyping,” he moves a wet curl from her face and presses his lips to her cheek. “And waiting.”

“You don’t have to, you know,” she says immediately, the corners of her mouth turning up in a half-hearted smile. “Wait. Sometimes things just - just happen and I promise I’ll understand if you -”

“I’m waiting for you, Kingston.” He says firmly. “I want this. I want _us_. And I know you do too, so I’m waiting. And nothing you can say or do is going to stop me from waiting for you.”

“Darling, sometimes it isn’t - you can’t predict anything, and if someone shows up that’s - that’s better, I don’t want you to miss your chance with them. You can’t just - just give yourself to me like that, it’s only been a week -”

“A week and two days,” he corrects immediately. “And I can give myself to whoever I want. I’m giving myself to you. I’m yours, Kingston.”

When he pulls back there are tears in her eyes and a smile plays on her lips. She nods, her hands finding his face and stroking his cheek tenderly.

“Two months,” she whispers. “You’re sure we can do this?”

Amongst the fear and uncertainty in her voice he can hear the hope, and he clings on to it. Being with Alex isn’t going to be easy, and there’re sure to be challenges along the way - the very first one has already presented itself. Two months apart. More time spent away from each other than together.

His hand grasps hers, lacing their fingers together tightly. He smiles at her, nudging her nose with his own.

“Waited two years for you,” he whispers under his breath. “Two months is nothing.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol see ya’ll in hell. i’ll be in the hottest place, burning for my crimes.


End file.
